FEAR

Have you ever noticed that children are fearless? They reach out to touch things that could burn them. They stick their hand in the mouth of a dog without fear that they will get bit. They try to climb on things without worry that they will fall and they trust everyone, even strangers, without question.

I’ve been thinking a lot about fear and its benefits and disadvantages. Fear has the benefit of helping to keep us safe. That intuition that something is just not right and we should flee is within each of us and has saved many people from harm when they were found in an unsafe situation. Yet many of our fears, such as a parent teaching a child that something on the stove can burn them or a child being warned of stranger danger is something we all must learn.

Others, such as a fear of spiders, most likely come from someone else’s own fears. Children from families with no fear of spiders, families who teach their children to be fascinated by the eight-legged arachnids, will most likely never be afraid of a spider.

Snakes were one of those things I was quite frightened of as a child and while I can’t pinpoint the exact moment I went from happily holding little garter snakes in the yard to doing the snake dance whenever a snake crossed my path in later years, snakes still give me the willies sometimes with lifelong nightmares.

Two snake interactions in my life stand out. The first happened at Reptile Gardens in South Dakota. (To read more about that trip and the snake connection, check out my “Summer Vacations” blog from June 4, 2023.)  That experience came as a child, but an even more frightening experience happened as an adult.

My brother and his wife lived just out of town and I had volunteered to care for their dogs when they went on a trip. It was a brilliantly sunny and quite warm summer day. Sweat had run into my eyes as I played with the dogs, so I took off my glasses. My vision is poor enough to need glasses, but not bad enough that I couldn’t wander around the property without them and while the dogs continued to play, I left the glasses on the table and gathered the water buckets to fill with fresh water.

The property had an outside water pump. It was one of those old fashioned ones with a large handles that must be pumped up and down before being rewarded with a strong flow of the coolest and most refreshing water. Bending down to place the first bucket under the spigot I noticed that the ground looked funny. Kind of wiggly, to be precise. I stood back up and rubbed my eyes. As I did so, something slithered across my feet. That moving ground was an entire nest of wriggling, twisty, terrifying snakes!!!

I screamed bloody murder and did the snake dance….you know the one where I can’t get my feet high enough to get away from the creatures without falling over? Still I tried and I fell and the screams kept coming until the dogs rushed to my defense of the horrible invader and bit into the pile of snakes as I did my best to get out of there. Each time the dogs dived into the pile they came up with a jaw full of snakes that they whipped into the air, and me!

The whole disturbing event probably took only five minutes, but it seemed to last forever before I could gather my wits and get out of the middle of it all. The dogs continued to defend their property with snakes flying every which way as I cowered in my car.

Looking back, I know that the snakes, which turned out to be the harmless garter snakes of my childhood, were harmless. I could have simply stepped away and left them to grow up as nature intended. But that childhood fear took hold and wouldn’t let go. To this day, I am terrified of snakes and seeing snakes on social media is a surefire way to get me to have nightmares. (Thank goodness my family doesn’t live at that property anymore!)

So why share this embarrassing story triggering another fear of looking foolish? It’s because letting fear control us limits us in so many ways. It stops us from becoming the people we can be and having the experiences we deserve. Letting fear control my life has made me less than I can be. While my greatest fear is snakes, fear has also held me back from trying new things and meeting people or taking risks. Fear holds many of us back and limits our ability to truly realize or achieve what we could be.

When I began writing, I did it for family and friends, but mostly for me. Publicly sharing my stories was something I never wanted to face because sharing meant opening up my creative work to strangers; strangers who judge and criticize. Now, with three books published and a fourth on the way in January, I had hoped to be past that fear, but it is still there. It’s there every time I see a new review not knowing if the reader hated the book. It’s there every time I send a manuscript to my publisher and worry that they won’t like it enough to publish. It’s there every time I am asked to speak about my books in front of a crowd or do a book signing or an author event.

A favorite teacher told me a long time ago that the only way to get past your fears is to face them head on. Here’s the catch though….facing fears will get you past the fear, but it doesn’t make it go away. Think of it as a famous singer who, while having done hundreds of concerts over their career, still suffers from stage fright before every performance. The fear never goes away, but you work to get past it and become a better person every day.

People are imperfect, but we never know what we might be good at if we don’t take a chance. I have heard dozens of people say, “I’ve always wanted to write a book, but I don’t think I would be any good at it.”  How will you ever know if you don’t face that fear and try?

A child doesn’t know that they can walk until they take their first step. An athlete will only become the GOAT if they take the first swing on the uneven bars. An author will never know if they can become successful without putting pen to paper and letting others read it.

Fear is a powerful adversary, but each of us is more powerful than we know. Don’t let fear of failure hold you back. Swing for the fences every time and eventually that ball will fly high and deep over the outfield fence and experience the glorious feeling as you round third for home plate. Touch a snake and live to tell the tale. I guarantee it will be worth every second of fear you faced!

Be well, my friends….

~BAL